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June 14th, 2007


Okay, So Ive had the most AMAZING time here in NYC over the past two weeks. Ive met some amazing people, Worked my ass off in several workshops, have seen 6 amazing shows(Mary Poppings, Inherit The Wind, Legally Blonde, Company, Radio Golf, and Spring Awakening) attended the tony rehearsals (picture angela lansbury in a red velour tracksuit..its wonderful) And ive still got another week before i think about heading home.

Life is Pretty Good:)

May 11th, 2007

As Some of you MIGHT know; I applied for admission to a theatre camp in New York City. It is called SpringBoardNYC, and is hosted and facilitated by the American Theatre Wing (Who are responsible for bringing us the Tony Award) There are only a limited number of slots available,40 to be exact;from a nationwide pool of candidates. Its kind of a big deal. SO I sent the Theatre Wing my application package including two recommendations from professors, a personal statement as to why i wanted to attend, as well as a video of me doing a monologue.

..........................I GOT IN.........................


IN 3 weeeks time i will be in NYC at Springboard in the heart of Times Square, taking classes, learning new stuff, meeting people, making connections, going to see a minimum of 5 Broadway shows AAAAAAAAAND Attending the dress rehearsals for THE TONY AWARDS located at RADIO CITY MUSIC HALL

*Breathes into paper bag*

if you want to know more about what is about to be the greatest adventure of my life. You may visit the website at www.americantheatrewing.org/SpringBoardNYC

*End Scene*

March 29th, 2007

Happy Days are Here again!


First date in a good while, people..and im hoping to make it count in one way or another. The guy is from GA, and is an old fashioned "dater" much like myself. Not to mention that hes damn cute. Ill post after thoughts on the encounter later this evening!


March 25th, 2007

Starting Over..Again

So..as of late my mental state hasnt been exactly what I would call..Level.

Ive been fighting depression, exhaustion, anxiety, hopelessness and mounting self doubt.

I began to think of why ive been feeling this way lately, and tried to think back to a time when i was overcoming all of this. Which..wasnt too long ago really. It was this past summer. When i was working out and exercising on a regualr basis, which I must admit i stopped doing when i came back to school. And I think im starting to pay for it. The healthy eating habits, the regular exercise..the general good health i was enjoying when i returned to school, Is now pretty much gone.

So I have to jump back on that wagon. And it looks like im going to make the first day tomorrow. Its gonna be a rough road back, and I know now that it is not going to happen overnight by any means. Im going to have to find some support in this. Support that isnt going to be built in like it was at home. Anyone reading this wanna offer me some encouragement/tips/tricks would be wonderful for me.

March 19th, 2007

Ever have one of those Days, Weeks, Months that just seem to turn your world upside down? And then it just seems to keep tumbling?

My life was going just fine until this time last week. Nothing was out of the ordinary, I was secure in almost every facet of my life. Then i went to my car to start to unpack after my trip to Atlanta for the theatre conference I attended. Only to find that someone had decided that I no longer needed my bookbag. My bookbag which contained my laptop, and its accessories; sheet music which i paid a pretty penny for; Oh, and a couple hundred dollars in cash. Great. just waht i needed. To not only lose all of my important documents and programs that I use on a daily basis on my month- and- a -half- old- laptop, but also the only money i had for the remainder of the semester.



December 31st, 2006

Happy New Year?????

Its been a very long evening for the Benny. At the moment, I am sitting in a hotel room in Greenville NC, with 2 of my friends in different forms of missing. One is pissed at his boyfriend(Who is currently sleeping in the bed located behind me) for his actions this evening and is somewhere, I assume, in the hotel. The other, decided it necessary to have a bit of a new years fling. I guess his resolution is to be an even bigger whore than usual. So, he is now...Well..im not sure where he is. The "trick" took him along to get some money from the ATM to pay for a room here in the hotel for themselves...Im not sure i like the sound of either part of that sentence. The three of us tried to deter him from this entire course of action...to no avail. So Im not sure exactly what January 1, 2007 is going to bring for me...Hopefully not a dead friend.

Im getting tired of playing Daddy/Mommy/Babysitter/Driver for these people. Its a thankless role that really gets me nowhere other than in the middle of situations like that one that im in right now...Glutton for Punishment much?

Happy New Year....I hope...

December 23rd, 2006

So, In case anyone was wondering how my final grades turned out..here they are..

Undergraduate Course work
83345 CMTA 130 01 Makeup Cullowhee B+
81152 CMTA 131 01 Intro Professions Theatre Cullowhee A
81153 CMTA 140 01 Acting I Cullowhee A
83803 CMTA 220 01 Stage Movement Cullowhee B
83381 CMTA 493 02 Select Tps:Theatre Prod Cullowhee A
82470 DA 260 01 Conditioning for Dance Cullowhee B+
83907 MUS 375 18 Opera Scenes Cullowhee B

Current Term GPA 3.589

Not bad..though I woulda liked to have had one more A...ah well..onward and upward..

Currently at home in asheboro working at dillards..again. Its not so bad really..i dont have a set schedule and can pretty much come and go whenever i want to. Though I dont get my employee discount anymore..which sucks cuz I have to rethink christmas gifts..which i have yet to buy. How hetero of me...

December 10th, 2006

So..being the last saturday night of the semester, it was imperative to go out and do a lil partying. So, off to the club went myself and friends.Lots of my friends.

The first thing we do when we get to the bar. Get a drink. Obviously. Ive lately become very attached to a certain cocktail called a Shamrock. (Peppermint, Melon, Sour, Sprite) Very tasty indeed. I took my drink and settled in for the 12:30 drag show. Everything in the evening seemed normal..nothing too out of place. And then the drunks got ignunt. two straights decided they needed some attention during the drag show and wouldnt move out of people's way. Then they got up in the face of security when asked to please clear the area. Ignunt. Then another drunk little lesbian didnt seem to know how to sit down or shut up, and soon found herself hoisted off the floor by security and promptly shown the quickest route to the exit. Ignunt.

Once I had my fill of drag queens I made my way up to the dance floor. Was having fun. Dancing my heart out. then this one girl decided that she absolutely had to dance with me. HAD TO. And then she wouldnt go away. Fun. Once i had gotten rid of her..I needed a water. So i had to relinquish my dance spot to some E-queen..whatev.

The night began to wind down eventually, and so myself and a few others decided we needed some replenishment. So we went to DENNY'S. This is usually the place half of the club goes once theyre done partying..in fact theyre probably still there now. ANYHOW our waitress, i dont recall her name right now. Was apparently having a bad night. she had a table full of some ignorant assholes who wouldnt shut up about all the gay people in the place. They were not aware that she was a lesbian..in fact we werent either, until she told us about it..And about alot of other stuff I wont say right now. We got our drinks, she took our order. Then came back over to bitch about the assholes, then forgot what we ordered, came and bitched some more, reconfirmed the order (again). Brought out the food without the appetizers (they came after). This was the last we actually saw of her. Because apparently..sometime during our meal..she quit her job. Yeah.

So..then another 50 mile drive to get back here to school. Alot of laughing at the evenings events. AAAND here I am..its almost 520 in the morning. I have to work on final exam projects tomorrow..i might wanna get started on the whole SLEEP thing.

Im curious though..does anyone actually READ this journal? Let me know if you get down to this line.

Thanks Bitches!

November 29th, 2006


..Last night I auditioned for a play here at school. Really the only play I have been interested in being in this year. The play is titled "All in the timing" Its a collection of several one act comedies. Good Stuff.

I spent the brunt of yesterday trying to find a good monologue to do for the audition. And I did. I found one I was really able to connect to, about a guy whos struggling with his self body image. I printed it off the internet, memorized it and worked with it for a little bit before heading to the audition.

Got to the audition location here on campus. Felt really good..did the monologue over and over in my head. I went in to the audtion..did it..the director liked it..said it was a great piece..had me start it again to see if I could find a different character..i didi..he said it was good that i could switch like that if he needed me to. Awesome..Told me the call back sheet would be posted this afternoon..

...My name isnt on the call back sheet...

I know..this happens all the time. Its one of the downfalls of the business..but this one hurts. Alot. I thought i was at least going to get a call back..but..apparently my thoughts, once again..are wrong.

Now...what to do with my depressed self for the rest of the afternoon..

November 26th, 2006

A long time coming...

Its been a few minutes since i last posted anything to my journal. And alot has happened.

My plans to move to NYC to finish school fell through when i couldnt get an audition for the theatre dept at the new school before the new semester is to begin. And since i didnt think it would be a good idea to go into a new school with no idea about the school itself, or the area or anything really. SO, for the time being, it looks like im here in Cullowhee, for better or for worse, im not sure quite yet.

Studying theatre thusfar is going very very well. I went last week to the North Carolina Theatre Convention. It was an experience. I didnt get through the screening process for admission to SETC (south eastern theatre conference) But there are ways around this...ways ill be taking advantage of, thats for sure.

Sex life...still pretty much the same..there isnt any! Maybe im just bound to be celebate for the rest of my life...Like a monk..but with much better clothing.

My dad has come home from Iraw twice since his departure in January. Once was in June, and Another was the end of october. Each time he has come home, I have either been given the wrong dates of his visit, or simply not told about it until it is too late to make any kind of attempt to see him. My younger (half)brother is aware of my sexuality, and Im wondering if My dad hasnt been told. And if so is this having the effect of my apparent exile from the family. I try to put on the front that this doesnt bother me..But..it hurts..alot.

The holidays went really well. I got to spend it with family at home, and in the mountains of Eastern TN. Got to do some catching up with my oldest (half)brother and his family. I also got to see my dogs for the first time in a few months, which always makes me feel great. However it was a shorter visit than I had wanted. No matter, Ill be home for Christmas break in a couple of weeks.

Tonight there has been something running through my mind. I cant figure out why, in this time, as advanced as the world has gotten, as far as we have evolved as a people, There is still so much hate, and intollerance, biggotry, closed mindedness, ignorance. I know this is something said so much in these online journals, and Im not trying to sound like im whining here..But the world and people in the world can be really fucking cruel. It doesnt take much to make a person feel like shit in this day in age. But, it takes even less to make someone feel good about who they are.

Okay, im gonna take my morose self away from here and go watch family guy.

later, yall
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